My Testimony

I suppose my very first memory of life is a drug memory. Crazy hu? I was 3 and we were going to move. I had built a fort out of boxes and thought it would be great to eat all my Flinstone chewable vitamins. Something said that was wrong so I put them back.
My first memory of God I think is when I went to visit an uncle of mine. I think I might have been 7. He lived on a farm. It was a self contained community of believers. They had a small school house, a community kitchen, and did most everything together. I didn't much care for it. I got my mouth washed out with soup for using the Lords name in vain to many times even though I'm pretty sure it was Gosh and not God I was saying but oh well. The whole experience literally left a bad taste in my mouth. Except one thing. There was a massive white cross on top of a big hill that I could walk up too and sit under. That was great. Don't really remember why it was great. I just remember it being quite and I could see anyone coming up on me.
My mom and dad got divorced when I was 10 or so. My dad married the wicked witch of the west and no matter how much water I threw on her she wouldn't melt. Didn't last long but during that time I hated coming home so I didn't. I got a paper route in 6th grade which ended at a friends house. That friend and I got stoned at recess under the slide one day. I loved it!
Somewhere around that time my dad came home with one of those Map of the End Times fold out things. Somebody at work had convinced him the world was going to end I guess. We had a big old bible and we looked at some stuff. It was all pretty interesting stuff. Not sure whatever happened with all that as far as my dad goes but I obtained The Book and read the New Testament. I started having Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses come over and I'd drill them. I got them both to come over at the same time one day. I think that was the first time I realized that not all Christian religions were the same.
Some dude I don't quite remember told me the Mormons were a cult. Seemed reasonable to me. The Book of Mormon was an entirely ridiculous read. Everyone from the Jehovah Witnesses were old so they eliminated themselves by not relating to me. I suppose I could have been indoctrinated into they're cult pretty easy had they sent someone younger.
By the end of 7th grade I wasn't thinking nothing about God anymore. I was in full on party mode. The roller skating rink was the place to be then. I'd convince somebody or another to buy me some beer, chug a can, bend it up, poke some holes, and fire it up......pot that is.
Somewhere between 8th and 9th grade I know God tried to get my attention again. The only reason I say this is because I know exactly what distracted me. SEX! I discovered sex. I found out I had a knack for picking up girls or as I hear it's called today, I had game. Whatever the case was I know I was living sex, drugs, and rock n roll.
I discovered acid somewhere around this time. MDMA was just starting to pick up steam with the punk rockers but it was pretty hard to get. Hash came dipped in opium and as far as I was concerned this was the bomb. I'm pretty sure crack was around but I never liked any of the "go fast" drugs. I wanted to zone out. For some reason I have never been to sure of I wanted to evacuate the world. I'm pretty sure I simply liked the high.
At 17 I think, just turned it, I flipped a car and that was a major turning point. No longer could I hide that I was all messed up. My dad and I began a strained relationship at that point that I only made worse by getting worse.
After flipping my car I tried God again. I attended a Pentecostal church for a bit but they kept telling me I needed to speak in tongues which I couldn't do so I figured God didn't want me. If He didn't want me then I certianly didn't want Him. I quit going to that church.
I dropped out of school at the start of 12th grade. Right before that I got busted for having hash in my locker and went to jail. I had just turned 18. I was only in there a couple days. I read the New Testament for like the 4th time in my life. I didn't do any of that pleading with God stuff.
I went to Job Core shortly after that. It was my first time to be out on my own. I was in Pre-appreciate Painting. I became a small time peddler of pot and probably would have been expelled except I beat them to the punch line and enrolled myself in the union so they graduated me.
I got my first job working on Husky Stadium and moved into a small apartment. I had to share the bathroom with the neighbor. It was one street up from Broadway in Seattle. Anyone that has heard the song My Posses on Broadway by Sir-Mix-A lot has heard where I was living. Broadway is a serious party strip for the collage. I met this chick who I thought was interested in me but she wanted me to come to a Scientology thing, so I went. That was some of the most seriously bogus stuff I have ever heard. Anyone that has ever tried to read Dianetics knows it's just a lot of really big words strung together to sound really intellectual. It's mumbo jumbo. Anyways, I wanted the girl so I signed up for the first class thing they do. Some deal where you were suppose to figure out which memories were repressing you. They sat me in a chair and handed me these two can things that had wires hanging out that were connected to some machine thing. They started asking me questions. I don't remember what. I know that the dude seemed overly interested in my first girl friend and me losing my virginity. I got fed up and demanded my money back. They gave me a lot of grief for nearly a week not wanting to give my money back so I finally made a big sign and stood in front of the place screaming at people that these people stole my money. A manager came down and gave me my money.
I got laid off which happens a lot in the union and I went to work on Water Front Park and the Seattle Aquarium. After that I got transferred to a job at the junior collage in my home town so I roomed up with some friends of mine and moved back cross the water to Bremerton where I was born and raised.
A Japanese guy was the foreman and he'd get really mad and yell at me in his native tonge. I told him to speak English or die and walked off. That was the end of working for the union.
I joined a magazine crew that goes around the U.S. selling magazines. I'm sure you've had them knock on your door. "Hi, I just came by to see you for a minute.....blah blah blah.....I'm in a contest and I could win _______ (fill in the blank)". Never buy anything from these people. There not in a contest. You probably won't get your magazine. If you pay them in cash they are heading straight to somebody that will buy them drugs or booze. I seriously partied on the road. We went everywhere. It was the first time I had left Washington state. I was on the road for nearly a year and covered something like 16 states. I got fired in Texas.
After the Greyhound ride home I didn't have much interest in staying in Washington so I enrolled in a welding school in Tucson Arizona and drove down there. I graduated at the age of 22. I drove over to St. Marys Georgia. Where my mom was stationed civil service at the sub base there. I wound up getting a girl pregnant and married her for all the wrong reasons.
I did stop drinking and drugging for awhile though. After my daughter was born I got serious about work for a bit. It didn't last long. My mom got transferred back to Washington and we went with her. Big mistake. Everything went south from there. We moved back down to Georgia were my wives parents were but the damage was done. I was worse than ever. Drinking practically nonstop. Moving back to Georgia sobered me up till we got out on our own which wasn't long. I went to work with a dedicated Mormon drug dealer. My wives parents were Mormons too. All I knew was Mormons were wack. It was constant friction.
Towards the end of that marriage as it was always in a state of decay from the start I went to work at a warehouse on the sub base. A guy there who was way friendly would listen to all my troubles with my marriage and stuff. I told him about the Mormon pressure. I told him about all my addictions. He kept telling me I needed Jesus. I was like, "been there, done that".
One night I had a dream. Captain John Luke Picard of the Starship Enterprise (I HATE STARTREK!!!) was motioning me to join him on some stairs. I awoke terrified. I ran out of the room, into the kitchen, and just stood there. I could feel one string running through the top middle of my head. That string held me up. I knew without a doubt that Jesus had just told me to decide and the thing that scared me was I knew that I knew that I knew it was my last chance. He wasn't going to call me anymore.
I went to work and asked the guy who had been witnessing to me if God still spoke to people. He was careful with his answer I realize in retrospect. He told me to go and ask Him if it was Him. So that's what I did. I walked out on the loading dock and told God if He had anything else to say I was listening.
I felt I should get a bible and so I did. I read the whole thing in a week. I started over. I was somewhere in Proverbs when I turned to God and asked if I was crazy. The Word seemed so alive. I felt compelled to read. I told God I needed to know if it was Him and if it was Him I wanted what I was reading about. I told Him if it was Him calling me then I was answering and He needed to come claim me.
Pentecostal people speak of a baptism of fire. That is as close as I can call what happened. I ranted on a bit like that when I was like "Just Do Something!"......And He did. I went to shaking. It felt like my whole body came alive with pin pricks. It scared me! I got up and ran down the isle (I was hiding back in the warehouse reading when I should have been working). The sensation intensified. I thought I might lift right off the ground. I was like, "Ok, Ok, It's enough! I got it! Great! Your real! Stop!".

Don't ask God to touch you if your not ready to feel it.

Nothing could stop me from joining a church. I hit the First Baptist Church of Kingsland Georgia like a whirlwind. Those people didn't know what happened. I called on a Wednesday and asked if I could come to church. They said they would be happy to have me. I walked in and announced that I had read the whole bible twice and God had saved my soul and I wanted to be baptised! I read dang near the whole library they had there. If the doors were open I was there. I questioned everything.
I totally stopped all drugs and drinking. I devoured the Word. I had read the N.A.S.B. twice so I went and got an N.I.V. and read it and then I figured I would try the King James since everybody kept telling me it was the Word of God. I didn't settle for any King James though. I got the Reese Chronological Bible and read it.
None of this mattered though. The damage to my marriage was done. My inlaws couldn't understand why I wouldn't come to the Mormon church. Everything fell apart.
I got divorced and got really, really mad at God. For about 3 years I jumped around the U.S. and drank and had endless amounts of sex. I wound up on my mom's living room floor.

The thing about trying to drink God out of your life is He is at the bottom of every bottle staring back up at you.

I was a miserable drunk now. I would get smashed and tell everyone "You know what we all really need is Jesus!". I am completely and totally convinced that when I get to heaven somebody is going to say that in my drunken preaching they realized something that lead them to Jesus.
I got a drunk driving at the age of 32 I think it was. I got sentenced to alcoholics anonymous. They said something about 90 meetings in 90 days. I figured I was twice as bad as anyone else so I did 180+ in 90 days. I hated everything about alcoholics anonymous. They are a cult in my opinion but one night I heard a distinctly southern accent outside a meeting so I walked up to talk to the girl. She blew me off.
I wasn't getting nothing out of anything. Everything meant nothing. I left one day and walked to a church. I spent the whole day in there crying and yelling at God. I was good and pissed off and it was His fault and He was going to hear about it. The strange thing is that several people came and left the sanctuary that day and it was like I was invisible and wasn't making a sound. People came in and practiced a song on the piano and I decided to test and see if anyone was paying attention to me. I screamed at God. Nobody noticed I was there. It was crazy! It made me even madder. I figured if God wasn't going to let anyone come and comfort me then I was going to let Him have it. I went all out with my rampage at Him. The second I ran out of steam my mom walked in and said she had been looking for me all day when something told her to check the church.
A day or so later I was at a restaurant after an A.A. meeting and that southern girl was sitting across from me. She wasn't paying me any attention and I didn't care about her at all, other than she was So Fine! I was all up on my high horse telling this guy the mojo thing he wore around his neck didn't have any kind of power much less a "higher power". I told him He needed Jesus just like I did.

The girl across the table interupted and said, "Ask me anything about the bible". That was the first words my wife ever spoke to me.

I tried to be funny. I asked, "Why couldn't Cain get his offering right?".....He just wasn't Abel. She didn't get it so I asked what the shortest verse in the bible was. She knew that and oh man was she proud of herself. I mean she lit up! We talked awhile.
She called me the next day and wanted to goto Seattle with me to some A.A. meetings I was going to check out. I had heard they had some real psychos that went to them. Remember, I HAD to goto meetings. I had this thing I had to get signed that showed I was at them.
My soon to be wife was in real bad shape. She came out of an abusive relationship and was strung out on cocaine and pills. I told her if she wanted to be with me she had to stop all powdered substances. She went to a rehab for like the 5th time in her life but she completed this one. That was the end of cocaine and pills. We both still drank and smoked pot though.
We packed up and went to Bainbridge Georgia. One thing led to another and we wound up in Phoenix Arizona staying with a friend of mine. I knew our relationship was going to self destruct. I had been down that path so I started working on her that we needed to get straight and go with God.
One night at her work a dude came in with a big Dirty Harry type handgun. She said all she could think about was, "Don't shoot! I'm going to hell!". She started having serious panics attacks after that. It was something I wasn't prepared to handle. She was all flipped out one night and asked me to pray. As far as I knew I hadn't "prayed" in forever but I did. I told God I knew He was more than capable of taking care of my wife and that I certainly was totally unable to do it. I told Him I couldn't even take care of myself and now He had given me this freaked out woman and I didn't know what to do.
My wife tells everyone that she felt the panic attack end right then. I know I saw a peace come over her. She felt relaxed instead of all tensed up. Right then and there Billy Graham came on the TV and my wife got saved. We left everything we had, which wasn't much, got in the car and drove straight through to Bainbridge and moved in with her mom. We have never drank or smoked pot again. A year later we both quit smoking cigarettes.
My wife is totally bible smart. She has devoured her bible numerous times. She Loves Jesus! I have done some preaching. Nothing much. Just a few times. I'm not sure what God has in store for us. I know I'm blowing up to serve and yet I do nothing much at all.
I'm 38 now. July is my birthday. My wife and I have been married 5 years this August. We have been clean and sober nearly 4 years or just over 3. I always get mixed up and my wife isn't here to ask (Yes, my memory is shot). I fought numerous court battles with my ex-wife and lost them all. I won't see my daughter until she is 18 (she's 14 now) and then only if she decides she wants to see me. It's the consequences of sin. I can accpet that. We have my wife's two girls, 8 and 9, and her son, 16, living with us. God has been faithful. He gave her back all she left behind to pursue sin. The girls love the Lord and were working on the boy.

Well, that's my life. See Ya and God Bless!