Saturday, August 12, 2006

Between the Head and the Heart

I have often heard that "You can't just have head knowledge. You have to have Him in your heart".

Alright then, got that covered, pretty much my thinking on that.......Until now.

My head explodes with all sorts of stuff. Do I believe it? Heck Ya!

Did I believe God could get us out of our financial difficulties? Did I believe He could calm the storm our household had become?

Yep, but did I believe He would? ......... I'm falling short.

I was talking with a person today and I was telling them what I'm about to tell all of you who for reasons beyond me frequent my rants and raves at this blog and actually seem to care about them! But I digress, as I was saying, I was talking to somebody today and I told them I felt like at any time God would simply draw a line in the sand and say, "That's it, I'm not taking care of you anymore, time to reap what you have sown your whole wasted life!".

I suppose that characterizes my walk with God. I don't ask for much since I don't think I deserve much. I'm always waiting for Him to punish me..... but He never has....... not really.....Certainly not what I deserve and continue to probably deserve.

So my world was all falling apart and I'm thinking, "This it it! Here comes a life time of devastation upon me. Time to reap what I have sown"........ and so as the deadline drew ever closer and things flew into a disarray at the home front here I do what I always do when I'm upset. I sat down and began to write. A whole bunch of you read that and began praying. I CAN NOT EVER THANK ALL OF YOU ENOUGH!

My dad who I have pretty much treated like a door mat my entire life decided that after his visit down here that something good has happened with my wife and I. He decided that she has made us a nice home. He thought she was happy and was doing a great job raising her kids that have come to live with us. He thought I was a "new person". He didn't think we deserved to lose everything because I was a royal mess up not so very long ago and so he gave us the loan........the day before the deadline.

I received a letter from the IRS today. They did indeed cease my income tax return. It was more than enough to pay them off and we are expecting a tidy return. Student loans are paid off and will not be garnishing my wages. The money that used to goto my ex is now going to my dad. Nobody is comming after me for anything anymore.

Did I believe God could do all these things? YES!

Did I believe He would? No..... I don't think I did........But He did it anyways........and as far as I can tell it's because I ranted and all of you prayed.


I think I'm going to start believe that God will bring my daughter back to me in 3 years when she turns 18.

I will try to get back to a regular posting schedule soon, resuming Ecclesiastes.